How To Minimise Grief

A ₹500 note is lying on the roadside. Six persons observed this note. The first person is a rich businessman who glances at the note and then continues his journey without giving much thought to it.

The second person is a daily waged labourer who on a good day earns about ₹100 and is thinking that if he could somehow get hold of the note, then he can live the entire week worry-free.

The third person is well off, he doesn’t need the money, but at that moment greed has overcome his mind and he is thinking of grabbing the note without drawing any attention.

The fourth person has a good conscience and is wondering about the person who might have accidentally dropped the money. He thinks that even if he gets the note, he might donate it to charity or hand it over to a beggar who needs more money than him.

The fifth person is just a three-year-old child who can’t tell the difference between the ₹500 note and the waste paper that is lying beside the note. As the child cannot comprehend the concept of money yet, his attention quickly shifts to other nearby objects.

The sixth person has a new bit of information with him. He recently learned that the government has made the current ₹500 notes invalid from that day and the note has no value now. Because of this information, his affinity for the note is absent and he has no interest in acquiring that note.

This is how we observe the world. Usually, we don’t see the world objectively. We assign values to an object based on our experience and information and based on the presumed value, our emotions act accordingly.

Just like the nature of the note didn’t change in the above scenario, an object’s reality is not affected even though it seems that way to the perceiver.

The reason I mentioned the above scenario is that whatever you’re about to read below might not be of a lot of value to you. It’s because your experience and knowledge might already surpass what I’m trying to convey and you may feel like you wasted your precious minutes reading what you already know, for which I’d like to sincerely apologize.

Just like a very thirsty person truly appreciates the value of water, similarly, the content of this article is only valuable for someone who wants to minimize grief from their life as much as they can. This article would not be helpful for complacent people.

I think that most of what we learn is just an echo or reflection of the existing knowledge. So you may be familiar with most of what I’ve written. But if this article can help you conquer grief even a little bit, I’d feel that a significant win for me.

I would like to reiterate that the following are my thoughts based on what I’ve learned and observed and what worked for me. Since this is subjective knowledge, you most surely will disagree with me on some of the points I make and I’d like to mention that it is ok.

The six persons in the above scenario were all experiencing their truths. Our perception differs and thus how we look at the world differs.

It is easier to address a comprehensive topic like grief if it is divided into smaller parts. In my mind, I’ve categorized it into six parts based on its source of origin.

1. Grief From Natural Causes

The kind of grief that we face due to natural events that are beyond our control falls in this category. It can be an accident, loss of property due to natural disasters like earthquakes, cyclones, or floods, loss of business due to global pandemic events, etc. Anything that Mother Nature throws at us without any warning and disrupts our normal life.

Fortunately, such types of occurrence are rare. For some people, they are almost non-existent. Compared to other grief categories that are mentioned below, this type of grief doesn’t occupy our minds throughout our lives.

How do we deal with this kind of grief when it happens? The most practical way is to not dwell on the past that has already happened, but focus our entire energy on recovering our losses as quickly as possible.

If it is a physical injury, focus on recovery. If it’s a business loss, learn what you can do better next time so that loss can be minimized when a similar event occurs in the future.

One of the side effects of living in a superstitious society is that people become fearful and guilt-ridden. They either start believing that they are sinful souls and they deserve to get punished, or their past lives' bad karma has caught up to them, or somehow God is punishing them or God is putting them through this ordeal because simply they were not good devotees.

These fearful and gullible minds often become the prey of cunning minds. They start believing that by wearing different coloured stones, they can change nature’s course. The worst thing is they are convinced that the effects of the disasters would be greater if they hadn’t done the periodic rituals or stopped wearing those gemstones.

Whenever such thoughts come to your mind, you need to remind yourself that you are not at fault. These natural events which are beyond our control are not biased toward you. It doesn’t discriminate against anyone and you are not to blame. There is no such thing as bad luck, there are only random events whose outcomes were not favourable for you.

2. Grief From Unprovoked Causes

The grief that comes from other people without any provocation falls under this category. You might feel that people hate you and try to do you harm without any reason.

You might have faced such situations at your school, college, office, or in daily life from your neighbours. This category also includes grief from physical violence such as robbery or physical altercation with other people.

Observe when this happens that along with grief, you’ll also feel anger and your breath has become shorter. If someone is rebuking you verbally, do not engage, find a quiet place and take deep breaths.

Rarely conflicts are resolved in a state of anger and people don’t make sensible decisions in a state of grief.

When your mind becomes quiet through deep breaths, quickly consider if you started the conflict in some way. If you didn’t then it is unprovoked and thus it is not your fault.

We cannot dictate the behaviours of others but we can certainly control how we react to them. Life is full of people who out of jealousy or an inferiority/superiority complex, will try to bring you down. This is an occupational hazard of living in a society.

We are taught at an early age that if we abide by rules and do good, then good things will happen to us. This is not true. Some people will always end up hurting you just because it is their personality.

Their moral conscience is not similar to yours and you can’t expect them to be decent people. Just because you’re kind to a wild animal and you expect it to not harm you since you never harmed it, then you’re deluding yourself.

The best you can do is to avoid such persons once you have seen them for what they are. You should also try to not involve yourself in the conflicts of other people as much as you can.

Our minds are susceptible to the feelings of others. If you are around people who are angry or sad most of the time, you’ll have a hard time being cheerful too.

Minding your own business is the most simple way to reduce such grief in the future. I think that’s why introverts face a lot less such grief from others as compared to extroverts.

But the above should not be followed if you see an injustice happening in front of your eyes. If you see a kid getting thrashed or a woman getting harassed, you should try to do your best to stop that immediately.

Being silent when an injustice is going on is a crime itself. Being helpful is one of the good virtues that we have as humans and we should try to help someone in need.

Your instincts and your conscience will guide you when to get involved and when not to. Act accordingly.

There are two other ways that such unprovoked grief can be prevented in our lives. The first way is to not be in the limelight. Your fame will automatically increase a lot of jealous people around you.

The higher your fame is the more is the probability of you getting hurt by people. Most people like to acquire fame, and it is not wrong to do so, but it should be noted that it comes with a price.

The second way is not to disclose your wealth openly. You may be very rich but it should not be flaunted if you want to save yourself from being attacked.

Excessive fame and wealth display will certainly increase your haters. This is common knowledge but our mind does a good job making us forget these simple things.

Only when we face situations like burglary or mugging on the streets or getting publicly criticized for our opinions, then we start to think about what we could have done earlier to prevent it.

Why did we become a target for those people? Most of the time either your fame or your wealth or both were the root causes for your troubles.

This certainly doesn’t mean you shouldn’t aim higher in life or don’t earn a lot of money. You should keep doing that till you realise that is not the ultimate solution anyway.

But in the meantime, don’t advertise your wealth or draw unnecessary attention towards yourself. This way you’ll find that the grief from unprovoked causes has reduced significantly from your life.

3. Grief From Provoked Causes

The grief you face from other people because of your actions in the past falls under this category. In such cases, the other person is not to blame. People are vengeful creatures and most likely they’ll retaliate in some manner if you’ve somehow wronged them in the past.

Remember I asked you not to engage in verbal conflicts while angry or sad and instead take deep breaths in a quiet place? During contemplation when your mind becomes stable, if you find that the other person is hurting you because you did something wrong to the person in the past, then you need to accept your fault and apologise to the person.

It becomes your duty to de-escalate the situation and resolve the matter quickly. Retribution and blaming only lengthen a dispute and the sooner the problem is handled maturely, the better for both parties.

To prevent such grief from occurring in the future, you need to take an in-depth look at your personality. Are you the kind of person who likes to argue for trivial matters?

Do you already make presumptions that the perspective of others is wrong and yours is always correct and you’re willing to prove your point even if it comes to violence?

Do you cheat and take advantage of people? Or perhaps you openly display that you are an arrogant person? Such people facilitate the breeding ground for their future grief because of their actions and behaviour.

You need to identify traits in your personality that are frowned upon by others. I’m not saying you need to become extra friendly or a person that likes to please everyone, because then people will start taking advantage of you.

But you also shouldn’t become a person that everyone despises. And only you can make that happen. If people annoy you, keep to yourself. Unless it is self-defence, don’t resort to violence.

Some people hold grudges for a long time and will wait for the perfect moment to attack you at a time when you least expect it, so you should try your best to not become the instigator of your future grief.

People who progress in life without cheating, manipulating, and harming others tend to have comparatively less number of haters in their life. So always be alert and be mindful of the present.

How you behave and how you act will ultimately determine the probability of you facing grief from other people.

4. Grief From Comparisons

We live in a competitive world and are taught to be competitive from our childhood. To encourage us to be competitive, we are often compared to others. Since children are easily influenced by what they see and learn from elders during their childhood, they retain this behaviour of comparing themselves with others when they grow up.

The root cause of such grief is desire. The desire to have it all. The desire to have what others achieved but you didn’t. Since desire has no limits, the mind keeps telling you that you deserve more and you need more.

Even a pleasant mood can be ruined when your mind is distracted by another shiny object that others have and you don’t.

Social media has made it worse. The Instagram reels or YouTube shorts that only show the best moments of other’s lives make viewers feel like they are missing out on all the fun and pleasures of life.

To overcome this, we should remind ourselves that life is not fair and everyone’s journey is different. Not only that, the circumstances of someone’s birth and the environment in which they are raised also vary to a great extent. So comparison is not a meaningful tool to make someone competitive.

Comparison with others lowers your self-confidence and creativity skills. It might also give rise to an inferiority complex. Ultimately, comparison is a self-inflicted harm and you should avoid it as much as you can.

Think about the privilege that you have. If you have a roof over your head and you don’t have to worry about food and medicine for the next few months, then you are already ahead of the majority of people.

Since we only see the best parts of other’s lives on the internet and only focus on the achievements of others, we completely ignore the hardships they had to go through.

We are also unaware of the problems and issues that other people face and so we mistakenly think they are not suffering as well.

Everyone is going through some sort of issues. Some more than others. It’s just that some people are better at hiding them than others.

If you want to be competitive, you should compare yourself with your past self. Think how much better you’ve become academically, emotionally, or financially compared to your past self.

Can you further improve it? Think about that. Don’t mind what others have achieved at your age. There is no absolute metric for success in reality.

The parameters for success, as set by our societies and cultures, are purely imaginary and they change with time and place.

This needs to be taught to upcoming generations as well so that they can escape this mindset at an early age. Observe how many friendships get ruined because of competition. Notice how many professional relationships get affected just because we are in a rat race.

I believe friendships are more important than proving yourself to be better than others by hook or crook. It becomes the responsibility of teachers, elders, and parents to teach children how they can improve by working on themselves and not be affected by the grades and ranks of others.

To do that, you need to first realise too that grief by comparison is self-acquired and there is no other to blame than yourself. Once you break this cycle, a new sense of freedom will encompass your mind.

You’ll realise that the greatest asset to have is a calm mind that doesn’t indulge in self-harm. Try your best to achieve that and you will never get distracted or disturbed by other’s achievements anymore.

5. Grief From Expectations

The grief that comes from expectations is significantly more than the grief from the above four causes. It is because we live most of our lives surrounded by expectations, whether those expectations are for living beings or objects.

We have expectations from our parents, children, siblings, friends, relatives, colleagues, pets, and even from our homes, cars, and all the objects that we have some sort of relationship with.

The fundamental problem is that our beliefs, perceptions, and expectations from relationships, which are connected, stay in our subconscious mind. We cannot control our subconscious mind directly as compared to our voluntary muscles like hands, so we cannot stop our mind from creating expectations which will eventually cause grief in the future.

Two things can minimise the grief from expectations. First, the realisation that most of the time your expectations will not get fulfilled as countless variables may derail your expectations and you’ll become sad.

The second is meditation. The reason I mentioned meditation is just because you understand a concept theoretically, it doesn’t mean the mind has fully accepted it. It needs to be trained so that it realises the harm it is doing to itself by generating expectations incessantly.

Just like an untrained wild horse can lead you to dangerous places or even become a cause of your death, similarly an untrained mind leads to the downfall of man. An untrained mind is the worst enemy that a person can have in their life.

Most of us live our lives with an untrained mind because we never learn how to control it or we are not interested in the first place. And because of this, we have created a society with such high levels of stress, anxiety, anger, conflicts, and sadness.

On the other hand, a trained mind is like a trained horse that obeys your commands and will not venture into dangerous places where you can get hurt.

A trained mind minimises the negative feelings you don’t want to feel and instead enjoys more peace and calmness than the average mind.

I’ll mention a simple meditation routine that you may practice in a later part of this article. For now, let's see if we can work on minimising the grief that comes from expectations.

According to the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna advises us not to expect the nature of the results of our actions. This is when we know what we are doing. In reality, not only do we tend to build up high expectations of our work, but we also add expectations of what others might do, which are beyond our control.

Since we cannot control our subconscious mind from creating expectations, we need to control the next best thing: the quantity of relationships we build and maintain during our lives.

The more emotional relationships you have, the higher the chance of your mind to keep creating new expectations, and thus more grief in the future.

The appropriate quantity of relationships will differ from person to person. Just like our preference for quantity in other objects differ, like the amount of salt or pepper in food or the volume settings of our TV or the preferable AC temperature, similarly the number of relationships that you need will be different from others.

Just remember that moderation is key. Human beings are social animals and for a better chance of survival, we need to be a part of a community. Isolating yourself mentally or physically would not be an ideal approach, even though isolation can make you feel safe and peaceful.

Our mind will convince us that life would not be possible without expectations. This is a trick that the mind plays.

The mind likes to experience new things. It does not care much about the consequences in the long term. An untrained mind strives for instant gratification. And so it wants to fulfil its expectations as soon as possible.

You won’t be able to oppose your mind. If you try, it will fight back. So you start by indulging it a little bit.

Tell your mind that instead of building expectations upon things beyond your control, build small expectations for your actions.

Make an easy-to-do task list and set expectations for yourself that you’ll complete those tasks.

It can be something like completing reading a book in a month or learning a new recipe. It can be even like learning a new skill.

When you build realistic expectations for your own and keep fulfilling them, the mind will be satiated.

Whenever it tries again to build expectations for another person or object, tell your mind that it is not in your control and instead focus on your task at hand.

Now, how to deal with the grief that comes from the expectations of existing relationships? Well, in this case, you need to contemplate how those expectations have hurt you in the past and will likely do so in the future.

Is it even worth it to keep building new expectations from existing relationships? You can’t change the past but you certainly have a choice in the present.

Even the expectation that you can fulfil other’s expectations can result in future suffering. Although it may seem harmless initially, you’ll soon realise that because of your people-pleasing personality, others are taking advantage of you.

A harsh truth of life is some people are never satisfied no matter how much you do for them. Make sure you are not setting yourself up for future emotional suffering in such situations.

Whatever you do for others, be alert not to build any expectations of acknowledgement or praise.

If you think carefully, the expectations from your most intimate relationships result in more intense grief as compared to others.

So you need to be extra careful that you don’t keep repeating the same mistake of building expectations from your closest relationships.

The mind will trick you again into believing that caring for someone or loving someone is not possible without expectations. This is not true. This only happens when the relationship is based on transactional love.

Real love doesn’t involve self-interest. It is selfless. Selfless love is very rare. Most of the relationships you have are not selfless. If you constantly keep thinking about what you are getting out of a relationship, then it is not selfless, it is transactional.

Transactional relationships are practical. It isn’t wrong to be in a transactional relationship. Who wouldn’t think about their well-being for the time and effort they have invested in a relationship?

But keep in mind that that is how expectations begin in small doses, which later in the future can bring grief and the mind will blame the other person for that.

Your mind doesn’t like to be blamed for the decisions it made on its own, and so it tries to shift the blame to others. You might end up thinking someone has caused you grief but upon close introspection, you’ll find it originated from your mind.

Another trick the mind will play is that at the start of a new relationship, it will try to convince you that yours is a non-transactional relationship and you’re in complete control. It may even convince you that finally, you discovered selfless love. But remain alert.

Most things appear to be pleasant when they are new or have been encountered for a short time. Expectations arise slowly in a relationship.

The expectations between new couples are far less in the beginning. Even parents have no expectations from their babies. Selfless love is evident in such cases.

But does it stay selfless as time passes? Most of the time, it doesn’t. Time is a great factor when it comes to expectations in a relationship. So you might feel that right now, your love is selfless, and you’ll wrongly expect it to remain the same in the future.

But that expectation alone will cause grief when you find out that selfless love is now corrupted with expectations that were not there earlier.

The mind tries to justify its expectations by having thoughts like your expectations for the other person are for their benefit only. You’re only thinking about doing good for others. But this is another self-deception.

If you think deeply, you know that whatever will happen in the future is not in your control. No doubt your intentions are good, but life doesn’t care about your intentions. The consequences can be very different from what you intended.

Has your life turned out the way you intended? Don’t let the mind trick you into believing you have any power over someone’s future.

Instead, realise that you are seeking your mental peace by making others fulfil your expectations. But permanent mental peace is never attained by fulfilling expectations.

You’ll find that as soon as your expectations are fulfilled, new ones will take their place. And once again, not fulfilling those will bring anguish and grief. It goes on like that till death unless it’s checked.

But how can the mind accept that relationships without expectations are even possible?

Have you ever seen nurses caring for newborns in hospitals? They know it’s not their child and will leave their care after a few days but still, they care and love them like their own.

We also treat toddlers and babies with love not only because they are adorable. We love them without expectations. The same goes for our cute pets.

Love is accompanied by happiness only when there are no expectations. When expectations arise, it is soon followed by anger, frustration, and grief.

If you love nature, then you’ve also felt this selfless love. Have you experienced the happiness that comes from witnessing a beautiful sunrise or sunset?

What about sitting calmly at the beach looking at the waves and the vast sea? Have you ever spent hours under the stars and looking at the full moon while listening to your favourite music? Have you experienced a peaceful moment looking at the beautiful valley while hiking?

If so, then you know that in those situations, your mind was devoid of expectation and was rooted in the present moment.

Try to stay in the present moment as much as you can. Expectations make us live in the future and we miss living in the present.

So yes, relationships without expectations are possible and such relationships can bring the utmost joy and peace of mind.

6. Grief From Ignorance

For most people, the above-mentioned practices are more than enough to reduce their grief to a great extent.

However, some people want to go the extra mile and their goal is to completely eradicate grief from their lives and stay in a state of bliss.

There is nothing wrong with being average, but some people can’t settle for anything less than perfection.

This section is specifically for such people. The toppers in any field, whether it be academic or sports, work hard significantly more than the mediocre ones.

Their dedication, focus, and consistency are completely on a different level and that is why they shine. Similarly, to completely eradicate grief from the mind and live in a state of bliss, herculean efforts are needed initially and only a handful of those who try, actually attain it.

But just because something is hard, you should not be discouraged to attempt it. The people who achieved such a state were no superhumans.

They were simply consistent with their efforts and had patience and confidence in themselves.

The potential to achieve that state lies in every human, but it will require a lot of self-discipline and consistent effort over the years and most of us are not interested and dedicated enough to pursue it.

I would like you to keep an open mind for this section and even if some parts of this section feel like it is non-sensical, I’d like you to ignore your existing beliefs for a short while.

Although I’ve categorized grief for better understanding, the actual true reason for grief is ignorance alone. Ignorance of what, you may ask.

Ignorance of your true nature, what you truly are, and what you are not. Because of this ignorance, most people can’t escape the following grief unless they have died at a young age:

1. The grief of becoming an orphan.
2. The grief or fear of old age.
3. The grief or fear of self-death.
4. The grief or suffering due to numerous diseases.

At a surface level, it will seem like the cause for these griefs is your birth. Technically, this is correct. Then, you may ask who is responsible for this?

Surely you didn’t ask for these unavoidable griefs, right? Your mind will immediately shift the blame to your parents, the cause of your birth.

This thought process is unhealthy for two reasons. First, your birth is beyond your control.

You don’t control the circumstances or the place of your birth. And pondering over something beyond your control only causes more frustration.

Secondly, you need to consider the intention of your parents behind your birth. Your birth may be an unplanned one or a planned one.

But your birth was most likely to be out of love. So the intention was not to cause you grief, these are just the consequences of being born.

You were not born out of hatred so that you would suffer. So blaming your parents for your genetic diseases or the grief of becoming an orphan someday is not correct.

Always consider the intentions of people for their actions before making a judgement.

Most people who become parents at a young age are not emotionally capable of thinking about these matters. After their kid is born, they will try their absolute best to do everything for the betterment of their child.

They will sacrifice and compromise a lot so that their children can lead a better life.

But even then, the child won’t be able to escape the above four griefs usually. Since the parents never learned how to deal with those griefs themselves, how can it be expected that will pass that knowledge to their children?

The right approach to deal with these griefs is not to worry about the cause but to work on dealing with it. Buddha said a very wise parable related to this.

A poisoned arrow hit a person. But instead of visiting the doctor and removing the arrow quickly, the person kept thinking about who shot the arrow, from which direction it came, and who made the arrow.

The wise thing would be to cure the grief and not waste precious time thinking about the causes which are not in your control.

Most importantly, it does not solve the problem. You’ll still have the grief even if you blame the entire world for your suffering.

So is there a way to escape these griefs? There is a way you can transcend these griefs. To do that, you need to understand the concept of God.

How the concept of God can help us transcend these griefs? Well, the right knowledge can destroy ignorance from the mind, and once ignorance about something vanishes, the mind is no longer subjected to fear and grief related to that subject.

There was a time when people feared that if they travelled far, they might fall off the edge of Earth. When brave sailors travelled around the earth, they realised that our planet was round and not flat.

And with this knowledge, the fear of falling off the edge disappeared. The question “Where is the edge of Earth?” also became meaningless as round objects have no edges.

Another example is the fear associated with eclipses in the past. Different cultures used to have separate ideas about the sun or the moon getting devoured by supernatural beings at the time of eclipses.

All those superstitious ideas vanished once it was understood that it was simply a play of shadows of the earth and moon that resulted in eclipses.

Similarly, once a person is able to grasp the concept of God and experience their true nature, the fear and grief associated with their mortality vanishes.

The above griefs become redundant for such a person and they are able to lead a more peaceful life than others.

The concept of God differs in different cultures and traditions. I’ll stick to the concept of God as taught in the Advaita Vedanta (Upanishads) simply because it makes more sense to me.

Most importantly, this concept of God doesn’t violate any known laws of science. If science repeatedly proves something false, believing it is pointless because all the evidence suggests otherwise.

Thousands of years ago, some wise men realised that permanent peace cannot come from worldly possessions simply because the possessions are not permanent.

They realised that any form of attachment ultimately leads to grief. Furthermore, since everything in the universe keeps changing, how can an object be a source of constant pleasure for us?

And since nothing is permanent all objects are subjected to change, does this mean our suffering and grief are endless and there is no escape?

They thought that if they could find something permanent that is not subjected to any change and stays the same, it would not create grief.

There will always be some form of attachment present in life and if the object of attachment is permanent and does not change its nature or behaviour, then surely we won’t suffer.

The wise men then realised that indeed there is a state of mind that we experience daily in which there is no grief, suffering, or anger. Moreover, emerging from that state of mind leaves us with a calm and fresh mind, even if that freshness remains for a few minutes.

That is the state of deep sleep (sleep with no dreams).

The state of deep sleep is mysterious indeed. Even though we are very much alive in that state, we don’t experience anything. For that particular time, our identities and personality disappear.

In that state, we can’t recall our gender, our relationships, our worries, or pain in our body. Yet, there is something aware of that condition.

Otherwise, we would not know that we had a deep sleep the next morning.

The wise men in the past wanted to know more about this mysterious state. They started to mimic the condition of sleeping while waking.

They wanted to identify the exact point when we lose our consciousness and drift into the sleeping state. If you think, you can’t pinpoint the exact moment when you fall asleep.

They began by sitting straight with their spine erect and concentrating on their breathing. Since breath naturally becomes longer while sleeping, they drew long breaths voluntarily.

I’ve not found any authoritative reference on how meditation began, but I believe this is how it started.

With practice, they found a relationship between breathing and thoughts of the mind.

The more regulated deep abdominal breathing, the lesser the amount of thoughts in the mind. When the breathing is short and irregular, a lot of thoughts occur in the mind.

Knowing this, the wise men concentrated more on their breath and eventually with enough practice and dedication, they were able to attain a state of mind in which thoughts disappeared. Their mind no longer remained disturbed with unceasing thoughts.

Some of them were better at performing meditation than the rest, just like it happens in every activity.

The ones who were getting deeper and deeper into meditation for a long time started having new experiences that were not common to normal people.

Because of their intense practice, they found a new state of the human mind. Mandukya Upanishad terms this state Turiya, which means ‘fourth’ in Sanskrit.

The other three mind states that we already know are the waking state, the dreaming state, and the dreamless sleep state.

It was categorized as the fourth state because this state of mind was very different from the rest. Initially, it became difficult for them to explain this state in words because, in this state of mind, there were no thoughts.

Since thoughts are composed of words and we understand something by relating the words to what they represent, it was difficult to talk about Turiya since there were no words discovered by men yet to explain that state of mind.

Even if they came up with new words to describe that state, it still would not be meaningful for the common people since they have not experienced that state of mind.

If I say ‘anger’, ‘happy’, and ‘sad’, then you know what I’m talking about because we have all felt that. But Turiya could not be described in words, it has to be simply experienced to know about it.

However, with time, a few more people were able to achieve that state and they found some ways to make it a step-by-step process so that others could follow.

This subsequent growth happened for thousands of years and I think we are indeed lucky to be living in an age of information where we can also have the opportunity to know more about that state.

As further investigation into the Turiya state progressed, the adepts who were able to achieve that state, started to teach others to achieve that state out of compassion.

Whatever little we know about it, it came from such discussions.

It is said that in the Turiya state, the awareness of body and mind disappears, only the consciousness remains which has no attributes and that is your true nature.

In that state, your consciousness expands infinitely in all directions and you realise that only You exist. There is no grief, no anger, and no pain in that state.

There is infinite bliss and you realise that there is nothing else in the whole universe except You. Everything that has existed, exists, and will exist in the future is consciousness alone, and that consciousness is You.

You might find the above information hard to believe and comprehend. That is completely natural and that is how the logical mind works.

Furthermore, what I mentioned above about Turiya is also not the complete truth. Remember, I mentioned that words can’t describe this state, it can only be realised through experience.

Whatever we read about Turiya, treat it like a signpost to a destination. Just like the signpost is not the destination, the information about Turiya is not Turiya either.

The information is just an attempt to make someone aware of the fourth state of mind as best as it can be done.

When the wise men met after attaining the state of Turiya, surely they might have discussed this experience among themselves.

One of them might have said that his consciousness expanded to such an extent that all the objects of the universe were inside him.

He experienced that there was no beginning or end in consciousness, and he knew everything there was to be known.

He realised that he is never born nor will die since he remains unchanged, fear and grief disappeared.

In that state, he saw that the multiplicity of objects in the waking state is an illusion just like the multiplicity of objects in the dream state is an illusion from the point of view of the waking state.

Some of the others also might have said they had the same experience in their deep meditation. Now how can there be two or more infinite consciousnesses?

From this, they concluded that there is only one infinite consciousness, which is all knowledgable, all-powerful, and omnipresent. In the waking state, that infinite consciousness appears to be divided into multiple objects, and every object is consciousness alone.

Look how the Turiya state is similar to the attributes we assign to God. All-knowing, all-powerful, omnipresent, perfect, all-kind etc.

The problem is we think there is an extra entity which exists beyond space and time that created this universe and so we can’t reconcile the fact that such a perfect entity would create such a world filled with suffering and no lasting happiness.

But now we understand that those qualities represent the Turiya state, which is our true nature. There is no separate God except infinite consciousness realised in the fourth state, which is essentially our true nature. This is the God concept as per Advaita Vedanta.

Since the wise men finally found a way to transcend all grief permanently, they wanted to teach this knowledge to people.

But they understood that the Turiya state can only be experienced by someone who has destroyed their ego completely. By ego, they meant the sense of self that feels itself to be separate from everything else.

The wise men understood that not everyone would be interested in this knowledge out of their ignorance so initially the knowledge was kept secret and access to it was only available for a select few that showed true interest in that domain.

The knowledge was passed down verbally from generation to generation. But out of compassion, some great sages documented the teachings in their cryptic way, and later down the line, other great sages interpreted them and made them available to the general public.

The wise sages had two major hurdles when they first tried to teach about Turiya to others.

First, how can you explain to someone about something that has no attribute? You can only show them how you achieved it and expect them to believe you that there exists a way to achieve a state that is beyond grief.

The second problem is that not everyone has the same ability to grasp a concept. For some, theoretical knowledge is enough. Some people need visual aids.

For others, practical and logical arguments are necessary. The learning ability of everyone is different so the method of teaching needs to be different too.

To solve these problems, the wise sages came up with a brilliant idea. This idea is called Attribute Assignment Followed By Retraction.

It means an attribute is assigned first to the Turiya state such as it is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-kind. To help visualise it, it can also be taught to be of some form or sound.

And then you need to contemplate upon it. The attributes become your meditation object.

And then as you progress further in your meditation, it is taught that the attributes were just a tool to help your mind to visualise something that has no qualities.

Now you are asked to meditate without keeping the qualities in mind. Eventually, you’ll be able to meditate with such concentration that the attributes will disappear and you’ll reach that stage of infinite consciousness.

This happens naturally when meditation is practised for longer periods. The ego dissolves at that point and you realise you were the infinite consciousness all along.

At that point, no questions or doubts about your true identity remain.

Since not all people will go for meditation willingly, the wise sages had to find other ways to help people destroy their ego so that they could also experience this infinite bliss.

Based on the temperament of people, they found four ways to help them achieve this Turiya state: Bhakti Yoga, Gyan Yoga, Karma Yoga, and Kriya Yoga.

Before we take a look at what these are, it needs to be understood that these are not separate ways. Just like water from different rivers joins the same ocean, similarly, these four ways lead to the same destination of Turiya.

Whatever path you may follow, you’ll find the other paths merging into the one that you started with.

There is a short parable about this. A gyan yogi, a bhakti yogi, a karma yogi, and a kriya yogi were trying their best to meet God. But no matter how much they tried, they never achieved that goal.

Once, all four of them met together to discuss what they were doing wrong and suddenly God appeared. They asked Him why he didn’t appear earlier and God replied that never before you four were together!

The four paths found by sages are just different ways to deal with the same problem: the existence of our ego that convinces us that we are separate entities.

So don’t make the mistake of thinking that one path is better or superior to the other. All of them are designed to achieve the same goal. Just the methods are different.

A. Bhakti Yoga

A person who follows the path of bhakti yoga is not very concerned with theoretical knowledge or logical arguments. Such persons are given a name and form that has attributes to worship.

That form can be physical such as a deity or non-physical such as a sound like the sacred word ‘OM’.

The idea is through worship and devotion, their mind will become concentrated and purified of worldly worries.

A bhakti yogi believes their deity will liberate them from the cycle of birth and death and they will reside in the abode of the deity upon their death.

A bhakti yogi surrenders their fate to their deity and through this act of surrendering, their ego diminishes.

In some situations, the ego disappears completely while worshipping and the devotee enters the state of Turiya for a brief time.

And this is what they refer to when they say they experienced the grace of God, a state of mind filled with bliss.

Although it appears like many people are following the path of bhakti yoga, most of them are not real bhakti yogis.

A true bhakti yogi never asks anything from their God, not even their own liberation. Because a true bhakti yogi has immense faith in their deity.

They believe that their deity loves them and will guide them just like a mother loves and guides her children.

A true bhakti yogi is a God-loving person, not a God-fearing one. Through constant devotion and surrendering, a bhakti yogi can dissolve their ego and attain the Turiya state.

Such a person is always kind to others and lives joyfully. What worries can ever trouble a true bhakti yogi who has experienced the grace of God?

They are not troubled by anger, stress, fear, and grief anymore. They like to spend their time worshipping their deity and maintain their state of blissfulness.

It is recommended that a bhakti yogi should eventually try to understand the scriptures as well. The reason is without proper knowledge, superstitions can creep in and they will hinder the progress of the devotee.

A bhakti yogi needs to understand that the name and form of their deity are just a representation of the infinite consciousness.

Superstitions have greatly affected human society negatively and they create conflicts among different sects of religions.

If people have the right knowledge that all religious practices are an attempt to achieve the same goal, then conflicts between different religions would end.

A bhakti yogi eventually realises that the true nature of the one who worships and the one who is being worshipped is the same.

They remain conscious when their physical body dies and they don’t take birth again. Through their devotion, they have attained the Turiya state and escaped the illusion of birth and death.

B. Gyan Yoga

The path of Gyan yoga is for persons who like to take a logical approach. They don’t believe anything based on authority alone.

A gyan yogi removes their superstitions through correct knowledge. Through logic and self-enquiry, a gyan yogi tries to distinguish between permanent reality and transitory illusion.

A gyan yogi understands that he cannot be the body, because the body is constantly changing.

Imagine a table with four legs. Now remove a leg and replace it with an identical one so that it looks the same as before. Is it the same table as before?

Now do replace the other legs one by one with identical ones. Is it the same table now or is it different?

Finally, replace the top of the table with an identical one. Although the table appears the same as before, it is a completely new one.

Similarly, parts of our body are constantly dying and getting created. The whole physical body becomes new almost every six years because all the cells of our body are replaced with new ones. But you don’t feel like a new person, do you?

A gyan yogi also realises that he cannot be the mind either. Because our thoughts are not permanent as well.

Our personality is shaped by our thoughts, which in turn are produced by our experiences and new information.

Furthermore, if we were the mind, we would die when deep sleep happens because, in that state, the mind is not present.

Hence the conclusion is that our true nature is something separate from body and mind.

Another method that is used to arrive at the same conclusion is known as Drg-Drsya Viveka, a term which simply means the experiencer and the object experienced are not the same.

It is common sense that we are not the objects that we see or feel around us. You (the experiencer) and your smartphone (the object experienced) are different entities.

Apply the same logic to your body. Once your hair or nails are cut, do you think those are mine or that’s me?

Do you experience your hand or the hand experiences you? Do you experience your emotions or do the emotions experience you?

Know that you can’t be what you experience. When this process is applied to everything around you including your body, your feelings, or your mind, you conclude that you are something separate from all these.

You are the witness consciousness that only experiences and never changes. The body and mind can change, but not the consciousness.

And since you are the unchanging consciousness, you don’t feel that you’re changing along with your body and mind.

A gyan yogi thus contemplates like this and meditates upon the consciousness that is beyond any change. And with enough self-enquiry and meditating effort, the gyan yogi experiences the Turiya state.

Since the Turiya state can’t be explained in words properly, the wise sages came up with some metaphors to help people visualise.

Keep in mind that you should not compare these metaphors with the actual reality. These are just an attempt to explain the nature of the Turiya state.

Imagine that air represents infinite consciousness. Now assume three empty earthen pots with covered lids. The air inside the earthen pots represents individual consciousness in the waking state.

Because of the covered pots, it seems like the air inside each pot is different from the other and the air outside the pot is different from the air present inside the pots.

Now imagine the pots get broken. Where did the inside air go? Did it go anywhere or did it merge with the air outside? Neither is true.

The air did not go anywhere nor did it merge. Because of the shape of the pot, our mind incorrectly assumed the air from each pot to be different from the outside air.

Similarly in the waking state, the same infinite consciousness appears to be divided into smaller parts. When a person dies, consciousness stops working through that body.

When a baby is born, consciousness starts working through that body. It just appears to our mind that during death and birth, individual consciousness is lost or created.

That is the illusion, which is known as Maya. Because consciousness is reflected by multiple bodies, a single infinite consciousness appears to be multiple individual consciousnesses.

And when the bodies become incapable of supporting consciousness and die, we assume that the individual consciousness has gone, and we grieve.

Another metaphor is to assume infinite consciousness to be clay and objects made with clay to be individual consciousness.

When clay is given a shape to have a particular form and given a name, that object now appears different from the source material.

After a few days, the clay object is destroyed and it reverts to just clay. In our mind, we experienced the birth and death of the clay object.

But in reality, nothing has changed. The clay object has not lost its nature. It is still clay. Only the name and shape assumed by the mind have gone.

In reality, nothing was lost. Similarly, your true nature is clay in this case, and your body is the clay object. The latter may change, but you remain the same.

Here is a metaphor from the modern world. Assume electricity to represent infinite consciousness and a string of decoration lights to represent different living beings.

The same electricity passes through each light but the individual lights appear to be of different colours. If one bulb gets damaged and stops emitting light, then electricity is still there.

Only the bulb is no longer functioning as it should. Similarly, our true nature is electricity in this case, but we falsely assume that our true nature is the bulb that got damaged.

Just like electricity remains unaffected whether bulbs get damaged or new bulbs replace them, similarly, the single infinite consciousness is unaffected by the birth and death of persons.

And you are that infinite consciousness.

Many such metaphors convey the same message. Infinite consciousness is compared to the ocean, while individual consciousness is compared to a wave. Just like wind makes waves of different sizes, and we think that one wave is different from the other, our mind makes us believe physical objects are entirely separate from each other. But the reality is that we experience the same consciousness in different forms when viewed through the lens of the mind.

I like these metaphors because they don’t violate the laws of science.

In school, we learnt about the law of conservation of energy. It simply means energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change from one form to another.

We also know from Eintein’s famous equation, E = MC², that energy and matter are ultimately the same. So everything in the universe is made up of energy and since it can’t be created, it does not need a creator.

The universe always existed in some form. Since our mind has a habit of seeing objects being created in our daily lives, we assume that the universe has a creator too.

If you then think about who created the creator, it is assumed that the creator of the universe is never born nor dies but exists eternally. But why go that extra step? The universe itself is self-sustaining.

The wise sages arrived at the conclusion that infinite consciousness appears as the universe in the waking state. Science has not yet invented a device to detect this infinite consciousness to support that claim.

Perhaps in the future, this infinite consciousness will be detected through some device and then all doubts can disappear from the sceptical minds. For now, we can follow the path shown by the wise sages to achieve that state.

Once you understand by reasoning and self-enquiry that you are not the body and mind that you thought so, the fear and grief associated with your mortality and old age will disappear.

And this realisation will also help you deal with the sorrow of losing loved ones. You’ll also be able to handle the grief caused by unavoidable diseases by remembering that you are not the body and mind, you are the unaffected witness consciousness that is experiencing the effects of the diseases.

Once you understand this truth, you need to meditate upon it. This process of realising the truth is called shravana-manana-nidhidyasana.

It means first you hear about your true nature that you are the infinite consciousness that is never born nor dies, second, you use your reasoning and think about it.

You ask questions, read the scriptures, and clear your doubts and finally, once your doubts are gone, you meditate daily and experience the truth for yourself.

Meditation accelerates the progress of a gyan yogi. Since the theoretical concepts are clear, a gyan yogi does not fall into superstitions.

All he has to do now is to meditate on their true self and achieve the Turiya state.

Meditation helps a Gyan yogi experience the truth he has learnt theoretically from the scriptures. Just like you can only experience swimming by actually learning to swim and not by reading books or watching tutorials, similarly bookish knowledge is not enough to achieve that stage of infinite consciousness.

Intellectually knowing that you are the infinite consciousness would not put an end to your grief. Knowing about exercises for weight loss is not enough, you actually have to perform them to get fit and slim, similarly, you need to meditate to achieve the Turiya state.

In school, we had chemistry and physics laboratories where we were shown that whatever concepts we were learning theoretically were not to be taken on faith alone.

We learnt by doing practicals and saw for ourselves. Once we did that, we understood that the theoretical concepts were true. Knowing something is always better than believing.

Once you know something to be true, you don’t need blind faith anymore. You need faith when you don’t know if something is absolutely true or not.

Once you know something is true, you are hundred percent sure of it and even if someone denies it, it doesn’t matter. Because it can be proved again and again to be true.

A person who is blind from birth may have to believe that the moon exists. For those of us who can see the moon daily, there is no question of believing because we already know that it exists.

Just like that, in meditation, you treat your body like a laboratory, you follow the steps to make your mind quieter and quieter, and you go deeper into meditation and achieve the Turiya state. And then there is no need for believing because now you know the truth about your true nature.

This is how you transcend the grief of unavoidable death by realising that birth and death are perceptions of the mind in the waking state.

From the viewpoint of the Turiya state, there is no birth and no death.

An important note is to remember that just because you are not the body and mind, it does not mean you should ignore them. A healthy body and mind is a prerequisite for one who wants to attain the Turiya state.

So make sure you follow the best medical practices for being physically and mentally healthy.

C. Karma Yoga

A karma yogi is a person who prefers to do their assigned duty without any desire for the fruits or gain from their actions.

Their work is mostly for the welfare of other beings and they don’t prefer to claim any credit for their actions.

A karma yogi may not have an interest in the theoretical knowledge of the scriptures or may not feel intense devotion for any deity like a bhakti yogi, but through selfless actions, he is able to destroy the ego and experience the state of infinite consciousness.

For a karma yogi, their right moral actions are a form of prayer. So they prefer to act selflessly for the welfare of others instead of opting for long-duration rituals.

It is said that since a true karma yogi acts without any desire, no new karmic fruits are created for that person to be experienced in later births.

Hence when such a person dies, they experience the state of infinite consciousness and realise that multiple consciousness is an illusion and all that time, they were helping themselves only.

Such a person is not born again because there is nothing left to be experienced as a separate consciousness.

What is it that undergoes reincarnation? Actually, from the viewpoint of the Turiya state, nothing does because there is only unchanging infinite consciousness.

However, the same phenomenon can appear different when the reference point is changed.

Imagine you are sitting on a moving bus and your friend outside is waving at you. From his point of view, you are moving. From your point of view, you are stationary.

Similarly, different phenomena may be correct based on the point of view.

According to the Vedas, there are two bodies. The first is the gross physical body, that will die. The second is the subtle body which consists of the mind, the intellect, and the ego, and it survives the physical death.

The subtle body then takes a new physical body to experience the fruits of past karmas. This is what that reincarnates.

But the existence of the subtle body is not accepted by the scientific community, at least not yet. And we should always be cautious not to believe in something without concrete evidence.

I like to keep an open mind about it because of the documented research made by The Monroe Institute over the past few decades.

They claim the existence of a second body which can be separated from the physical body by using specific sound frequencies. This second body is similar to the subtle body mentioned in the Vedas.

Even the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) investigated the research made by The Monroe Institute and they made an official report about it which is available on the Internet.

Even if the subtle body exists, don’t make the mistake of assuming that you are it.

The subtle body is also subject to change and it will ultimately merge into the infinite consciousness, and hence the subtle body is not the ultimate reality.

When the ego disappears completely, from that point onwards no new karma is generated for the person. The person will continue to live and experience the fruits of his previous karma.

And when there are no karmic fruits left to be experienced, the gross body dies and the subtle body dissolves into the infinite consciousness. Since the subtle body is gone, there is no rebirth.

This is what Buddha meant when he talked about nirvana. The birth and death cycle stops for the one who has completely fried the karmic seeds through intense meditation and destroyed the ego.

Such a person has completely obliterated grief and suffering from their mind because grief needs ego for its existence.

That enlightened person stays in peace and acts selflessly and upon the death of the physical body, does not fall again into the ignorance of birth and death.

So keep in mind that reincarnation exists only from the point of view of individual consciousness.

But from the point of view of the Turiya state, there is no reincarnation because multiple individual consciousnesses going through reincarnations and getting liberated is an illusion.

Just like the objects and people in your dreams are your own creations, which you only realise when you wake up, similarly, objects and people in the waking state are a creation of the infinite consciousness, which you can only realise in the Turiya state.

D. Kriya Yoga

A kriya yogi works on transforming his inner energies to reach the Turiya state through certain breathing and posture techniques or kriyas.

Through the practice of kriya yoga, a person is able to harness latent energies in their body and accelerate their spiritual journey to the state of infinite consciousness.

Unlike a karma yogi who achieves the Turiya state through external actions, a kriya yogi achieves the same through internal actions.

A kriya yogi learns these techniques from their guru. A guru is someone who has already travelled the path and has attained the goal. Now he guides others to the same goal out of compassion.

If you follow the path of kriya yoga, be very careful when choosing a guru. Just like you wouldn’t learn to drive from someone who has never driven a car and just like you wouldn’t learn swimming from someone who doesn’t know swimming, similarly you should never learn kriya yoga from someone who hasn’t done the practices themselves.

It is believed that when a seeker is ready, a real guru finds him and shows him the way. Real gurus are very rare so don’t fall for scams.

What you can do is try simple meditation and research kriya yoga on your own. You’ll eventually find someone who has followed the path and has attained liberation and if you are lucky, they will show you the correct techniques.

Remember that the ancient wise sages did this on their own. So you definitely have the potential to attain the Turiya state on your own.

I’ll now put a meditation technique for you to practice. Although this is not kriya yoga, this simple meditation has the ability to make your mind quiet and help you experience a deep sense of peace.

1. Sit erect with your spine straight. You may sit cross-legged or in a chair. You can use a cushion if you like. The main thing is you sit straight and you sit still. Make a resolve that you will not move your body for at least 10 minutes.
2. Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath. Without putting any strain, slowly increase the duration of inhaling and exhaling. Do not stop your breath between inhalation and exhalation. Keep it continuous. Do not feel frustrated if your mind jumps to other thoughts. As soon as you become aware that your mind is elsewhere thinking some random thoughts, simply bring its attention back to your breath. With time, you’ll become better at this and your mind will wander less frequently.
3. You’ll notice that with longer breaths, your thoughts are getting lesser too. Once you become comfortable sitting erect and taking deeper breaths, place your concentration to the point between your eyebrows (kuthastha) and keep it there. Now when you inhale and exhale, chant “OM” mentally while keeping your attention on kuthstha. 6 “OM” chants during inhalation and 6 “OM” chants during exhalation. So 12 chants per breath. Just like before, if your mind wanders to different subjects, once you become of this, bring your attention back to kuthastha. With practice, you’ll be able to increase your concentration significantly.
4. After a few months, while chanting “OM” at kuthastha, visualise that a cold current is running from the base of your spine to the top of your head during inhalation, and a warm current is running from the top of the head to the base of the spine during exhalation.

You might be thinking all of this is very complex and hard. But actually, it is not. It will be difficult if you attempt to do everything from your first meditation session.

For your first few sessions, simply focus on sitting erect still for at least 10 minutes. You’ll be surprised that the mind will start revolting very soon and will not let you sit still.

That’s when you first realise how powerful the mind is. Even your voluntary muscles are not in complete control.

But with deeper breaths, your mind will learn to calm down. You’ll be able to sit without moving for longer durations.

Once you are able to do that for a few weeks, start doing the “OM” chanting. Try doing it for 5 minutes if 10 minutes is proving to be very difficult right now.

Then after months of doing this, introduce the visualisation of cold and warm currents in your spine.

If you find yourself getting distracted or feeling stressed, go back to the previous step. It just means the mind is not ready yet for the next step.

When you learn to drive, in the beginning, you just learn how to put first gear, slowly releasing the clutch, and slowly pressing the accelerator, while looking at the front and keeping your hand firm on the steering wheel.

It takes years of practice to become a skilled driver. Through repeated actions, persistence and proper guidance, driving feels very easy to you when you do it frequently.

Compared to the beginning stage of learning to drive, look at how much you can do simultaneously now.

Not only do you mind the traffic ahead, at the side and behind your vehicle, but you also know when and how to switch gears without looking. You can drive in rain with low visibility while calculating the speed required for overtaking.

You know the correct angles to take turns properly. You use signal lights, fog lights, dippers, and headlights appropriately. All of this while listening to your favourite music.

The mind is capable of extraordinary things once it is trained. Similary chanting “OM” during breaths and visualising cold and warm currents flowing along the spine during inhalation and exhalation while sitting erect with eyes closed and concentrating on the kutastha might seem impossible in the beginning.

But when you do it step by step, it becomes very easy after a few months.

And then, you will start enjoying the stillness of mind and peace during meditation. You’ll start sitting for longer durations because now you’ve found something beautiful inside yourself that does not depend on what is happening in the outside world.

As you progress further, you’ll experience some loss of time. You may think that you’ve meditated for around 15 minutes but when you open your eyes, around 40 minutes have passed.

You know that you didn’t fall asleep then why did you not experience the time passing? Actually, during your meditation session, there were a few moments when your mind didn’t have any thoughts.

And when there are no thoughts, we don’t experience time passing. The same thing happens if we fall unconscious or have a deep sleep.

We don’t experience time passing simply because there are no thoughts present.

If you experience this then it means you are progressing on your spiritual journey.

You were able to reach that state of mind when you were aware that you had no body and no mind, but that experience existed for only a short duration.

With time, you’ll find that this emptiness between thoughts will become longer and longer and you’ll become more aware of your true nature and experience profound peace.

Final Thoughts

By now, I hope you have understood the God concept and how grief can be completely removed by attaining the Turiya state.

Most of us may not be able to attain that state but we should certainly try to because slowly you’ll notice that not only grief, but undesirable emotions like anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, jealousy, and emotional stress have significantly reduced from your life.

So where do you go from here? Start doing regular meditation and follow the steps above if you are unsure where to begin.

Whenever you face grief, try to put it among the categories mentioned above and apply the respective solutions.

Before his death, Buddha told his disciples that only you can attain that state of mind which is beyond grief through sincere efforts. No one else can do it for you.

So, don’t wait for any divine intervention or blindly believe that common societal rules will bring peace to your life. If that were the case, we would have been surrounded by more peaceful people than suffering ones.

I would like to end this article with the famous verse from the Bhagavad Gita told by Lord Krishna to Arjuna:

ye hi sansparśha-jā bhogā duḥkha-yonaya eva te
ādyantavantaḥ kaunteya na teṣhu ramate budhaḥ

Translation: The pleasures that arise from contact with the sense objects, though appearing as enjoyable to worldly-minded people, are verily a source of misery. O son of Kunti, such pleasures have a beginning and an end, so the wise do not delight in them.

Follow the path shown by the wise sages and you will escape the pangs of suffering and grief.

I hope this article helps you minimise grief from your life and help you lead a peaceful life!